New invention idea: vibrating tampons
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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