This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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