Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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