Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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