Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
