No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's rum buckets o'clock
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
