omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
