girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
