He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
