I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
