Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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