Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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