and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
