he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
