Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
