Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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