I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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