I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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