remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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