Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
