her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
