tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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