Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize