I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
