hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
