the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
