At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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