Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
