I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
