Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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