96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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