She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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