4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
