That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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