STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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