Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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