He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
