We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So much Jack, so little girl.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
