Umm I'm too high to move.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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