K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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