What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
