I skipped work to stalk him.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
