Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
