see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
