exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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