i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
