thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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