No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
