I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
