i don't like sucking hair
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
