I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
