I think I died a long time ago.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize