I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
