how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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