she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
