If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
