all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
