apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
