how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize