I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
God, you're like boner-b-gone
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
