did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
