I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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