So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
