Where are you?
In a non slutty way
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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