I showed him my bush... on skype.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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