I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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