i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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