He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize