he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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