that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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