Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
