Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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