Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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