Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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