Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize