Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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