it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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