why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
