that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
