your parents love me but you hate me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize