Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
