Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
