Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
