careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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