I cockslap morals
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
