and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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