Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
