Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize