She's JV to your varsity
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we're making bets on your personal life
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
