Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
