the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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