i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We left the knife in your bed.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
