I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
