He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
