I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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